


without you all I'm going to be (is incomplete)

by sarahcakes613



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Body Worship, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Rare Pairings, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:56:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21541852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahcakes613/pseuds/sarahcakes613
Summary: Benjen Stark is a middle-aged virgin. He didn't mean to be, it just sort of happened. Now, after six months of dating Nigel Knightley, he's ready for that to change.It's just a lot of filthy smut, okay? Roll with it.
Relationships: Night King/Benjen Stark
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	without you all I'm going to be (is incomplete)

They’ve been dating for six months when Benjen finally gathers up the courage to ask the question that he’s been afraid to give voice to. They are out for dinner at a local bistro, the quiet murmur of chatter around them enough that he feels they won’t be overheard. He sets his fork down, takes a deep breath.

"Can I ask you something?"

Nigel looks at him in surprise.

"Of course, my sweet, you can ask me anything at all."

"Why haven't we - that is, why haven't you-" he fidgets with his fork, his napkin, anything to avoid looking his boyfriend in the eyes, and finally the question bursts out of him. "Do you not find me sexually appealing?"

Nigel freezes, his spoon halfway to his mouth. He lowers it carefully, takes one of Benjen's cold hands in his own. When he speaks, his voice is low and husky.

"My darling, if I have ever given you cause to doubt the depths of my desire for you, I have truly and utterly failed you as a partner. I find you appealing in every way possible and it would give me the greatest pleasure to show you just how ardently I adore you."

Benjen feels redhot, his fingertips tingling in Nigel's hand as Nigel strokes them.

"Then why..."

"Why have I not laid you out in my bed, explored every inch of you, made love to you all night and into the morning?"

"Um, yes. That." Benjen can feel the heat licking at his neck, sure now that he is blushing bright enough to rival a fire engine.

Nigel leans back in his chair, the long line of his body relaxing.

"I have wanted you from the very first moment I saw you, but I did not want to make you feel pressured in any way. It's a valuable thing you are entrusting to me and I have been waiting for you to say you were ready, just like I promised."

Benjen nods. He'd confessed, terrified, on their fourth date, sure that being a middle-aged virgin would be enough to send Nigel running for the hills. Instead, Nigel had kissed him, thanked him for his honesty, and promised that he would wait for Benjen to be ready.

"I think I'm ready now," he says it quietly, but he can tell Nigel hears him by the way his grip tightens on Benjen's hand.

They get the remainder of their dessert wrapped up and leave the bistro, Nigel’s hand an iron brand against Benjen’s lower back as they walk outside. When they get to the car, Nigel turns and cups a hand around Benjen’s face. He lowers his mouth down into a firm, almost bruising kiss, and Benjen can feel the silent promise of what’s to come.

The drive back to Nigel’s apartment is quiet and Benjen loses himself in thought. He’s nervous, and he doesn’t know why. It’s not like the past six months have been completely chaste. They kiss sometimes for what feels like hours, and Benjen flushes as he thinks about the nights they’ve spent in bed, warm mouths and fumbling hands under clothing bringing each other to climax. There is the undeniable fact that at this point, Benjen had gotten used to the idea of being a virgin forever, and it wasn’t something he was especially thrilled about, but he hadn’t wasted a lot of time worrying over it either. Nigel had been so understanding when he found out, but Benjen also remembers with a shiver the way Nigel’s eyes had darkened with arousal, and he shivers again as he thinks about how much he has to learn, and how very eager he is for Nigel to teach him.

“Darling?”

Nigel’s hand on his thigh rouses Benjen from his thoughts. They’ve arrived, and Nigel is looking at Benjen with concern.

“Ben, you hold the reins tonight. If you’d rather not, we can – “ Nigel stops as Benjen gently lays a finger on the older man’s mouth.

“Take me inside, Nigel. Take me inside, and make me yours in every conceivable way.”

He sounds more confident than he is, but it feels good, and he can’t feel embarrassed, not when his boyfriend is staring at him with so much hunger and devotion.

They trip up the stairs hand in hand, and Benjen feels giddy, thinks this must have been what all of his friends were feeling on prom night, on their wedding nights, on whatever night they first had this moment for themselves.

As soon as they are inside with the door closed, Benjen finds himself pushed up against it, Nigel’s hands on his hips. He leans up, nuzzling into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. His tongue darts out to lick a stripe down Nigel’s throat and he can feel the vibration as the older man groans.

“Ben, tell me now – I need to know what you want.”

There are too many options, and he wants them all.

“Everything.” He gasps against Nigel’s skin. “I want everything.”

Nigel lifts Benjen’s head up, captures his mouth in a heated kiss, tongue sliding in to wind against his own. He pulls back then, one hand still on Benjen’s hip, the other stroking down his jawline.

“And I want to give you everything, darling, but that leaves me with a lot of wiggle room and I want this to be everything you ever imagined.”

Benjen feels the nerves creep back in now, he doesn’t want the pressure of making decisions, even – especially – when they are going to directly impact his potential enjoyment. How can he decide when he doesn’t yet know what he likes? He feels frozen, and Nigel must feel him tensing up, because he takes a step back. Benjen’s hip feels cold where just a moment ago Nigel’s thumb was rubbing warm circles.

He takes a deep breath.

“I want…that is, what I imagined – is you, Nigel. I trust you. Whatever you do, if it’s you doing it, I’m going to enjoy it.”

Nigel’s eyes sweep over his face, and he seems to understand what Benjen’s face is telling him, because he nods and leans back in.

His entire body pushes against Benjen’s now, and Benjen is one long line of tension, the door is firm wood at his back, his boyfriend is firm muscle against his front. He feels caged, but it’s a comforting feeling, like he can let go and trust that Nigel will catch him.

When Nigel pulls away this time, he drags his fingertips down Benjen’s arm to grasp at his hand, pulling him along to the bedroom. Benjen can see the thick outline of his boyfriend’s cock pushing against the fabric of his pants. He know it’s big, has felt it throbbing in his hands, but they’ve never actually gotten past the hands-down-pants stage, and he is excited to see Nigel laid completely bare for him, excited to do the same. Nigel leads him through the bedroom to the en suite, and turns his focus to the shower.

Once the water is running hot, steam wafting out from behind the glass door, Nigel turns back to Benjen.

“Do you want help, darling, or do you want to shower alone?” He runs a hand down Benjen’s back, dipping his fingers just a fraction into Benjen’s waistband to caress his backside.

Benjen’s entire body heats up as he gets the meaning in Nigel’s question. He’s done this part on his own before, feels embarrassed at the thought of someone doing it for him but he doesn’t want to pass up the chance to have Nigel pressed slick against him under the running water.

“Together, please.” It comes out in a hoarse whisper.

Nigel smiles, a slow curl of his lips and a flash flicker of heat in his eyes. He reaches down to Benjen’s collar, flicking one button open. They undress each other slowly, unhurried, and Nigel bestows a kiss on each patch of skin that is revealed.

Fully bare in front of his boyfriend for the first time, Benjen shivers despite the heat infusing the small room. Nigel tips Benjen’s face up to his, kisses him again, his lips warm against Benjen’s own. Nigel wears his nudity like a bespoke suit, standing tall, not trying to hide any part of himself, and Benjen’s eyes drink in every beautiful inch of the older man. Nigel’s chest and stomach are covered in a layer of curls, brown turning to silver, and Benjen reaches a hand out to stroke it. His abdomen tenses at the light touch, Benjen can feel the muscle flexing under his fingertips. His hand sweeps up, across Nigel’s chest, and the other man’s nipples are taut and pebbled at his touch.

Nigel nudges Benjen, directing him into the shower, and Benjen pulls him along, reluctant to stop touching him. The water is near to scalding hot and the rushing sound is thunderously loud in the enclosed space but he barely hears it over the beating of Nigel’s heart under his hand, of the beating of his own heart in his ears.

Nigel’s hands are at Benjen’s waist, gently turning him around so they are both facing the water pouring down. He reaches for a washcloth and bar of soap, wetting the cloth under the spray. He alternates, massaging the soap into Benjen’s skin and then scrubbing him with the cloth. It’s rough, and the bristly fabric dragging across his body leaves goosebumps in its wake. He tilts his head back, leaning against his boyfriend, enjoying once again the thrill that runs through him every time he is reminded of how much taller Nigel is. Wrapped in Nigel’s encompassing embrace he feels at rights, kept safe from his own self-doubts and anxiety.

Nigel’s hands wind through his hair, scratching at his scalp lightly, and he lets out a soft moan. He’s not a loud person by nature, and he never expected that to be much different in bed, but Nigel has a way of drawing pleasure out of Benjen, drawing it straight up his body and out through his vocal cords. When he moans, Nigel huffs a laugh, pressing himself against Benjen’s back.

“Are you beginning to feel more relaxed, my darling?” He murmurs into Benjen’s ear, his breath a warm gust of air.

Benjen nods, whimpering as he rocks his hips back against Nigel. He can feel Nigel hard against him and his own cock responds in kind. Nigel wraps a hand around it, holding it loosely, and he rocks his own hips forward, encouraging Benjen to thrust into the channel created by his long fingers.

They stand like this for a few minutes, rocking slowly together, Benjen enjoying the quiet fire that is building slowly inside him. Nigel maneuvers him again so his back is to the water, the spray angled so it is hitting his buttocks. The fire in Benjen’s belly flares as Nigel slips two fingers into his crease and spreads them open, allowing the water to hit him more directly. The washcloth is there and gone, Nigel’s fingers stroking over his rim to sooth the chafe of the rough fabric. He can feel his hole clenching and twitching, unused to the attention, and he is suddenly overcome with redhot embarrassment. Here he is, a grown man, and he feels like nothing more than an awkward green boy. He turns his face into Nigel’s chest, hoping the older man does not see how overwhelmed he is, but his boyfriend misses nothing.

Nigel tilts his chin up and those piercing blue eyes sweep over his face. His gaze softens at whatever he sees in Benjen’s expression.

“Is it too much, love? I know it can be a heady experience, especially for a first time.”

Benjen offers a rueful, slightly shaky smile.

“It is a lot, but it’s good.”

“I’m glad. I know you feel shame at your lack of experience, but quite frankly,” Nigel drops a kiss on his forehead, pulls back to look deep into his eyes. “It is _extremely_ gratifying to know that everything you will learn will be at my hands.”

Benjen shivers at the slight growl and hunger he hears in Nigel’s voice, and Nigel’s answering smile only serves to stoke the fire in Benjen’s belly.

Nigel turns the water off and draws Benjen out of the shower. He dries Benjen from head to toe, towels himself off quickly, and then leads him back into the bedroom.

Benjen hasn’t been in this room before, their previous makeout sessions generally happening either in Nigel’s living room or at Benjen’s own apartment. He looks around, enjoying this new view into the man he loves. The furniture is dark, the curtains heavy and thick. There is a mirror hung on the wall across from the bed, reflecting the painting hung over the headboard. It’s a landscape, a Turner-esque piece that shows a bleak Northern beach, frozen waves reaching towards a flaming shore. The bed is massive, and it’s clear which side Nigel sleeps on, as there is only one nightstand. Benjen’s cheeks burn as he watches Nigel reach into that nightstand and pull out a bottle of clear liquid and an unopened box of condoms.

Nigel looks over at him, pursing his lips in thought.

“I’m inclined to forgo the protection, as you aren’t likely to have anything, and I’ve been tested since we began dating, but I will understand if you prefer to. The end result can be…messy, and not everyone enjoys the feeling.”

Benjen trusts Nigel, but he also doesn’t know if he’ll like the feeling of come in his ass, and it’s embarrassing, but he’d rather avoid any unseemly messes after.

“Maybe avoid the mess this time, and see how it goes?” He blushes even as he says it, the casual way they are talking seems to belie the serious subject matter. Nigel nods, unwraps the box. Unlike the box, the bottle of lubricant is half-empty, and Benjen feels a throbbing sensation as he thinks about Nigel lying alone in this big bed, hand on his cock as he pleasures himself.

Benjen sits on the edge of the bed, his hands on his thighs. He’s still half-hard, despite his nerves.

“So, how um, how are we –“ he clears his throat, which feels suddenly very dry. “That is, how do you want me?”

Nigel stalks towards him, the blue of his eyes nearly swallowed by the black of his dilated pupils.

“Tell me now, my love, do you still want me to control things this evening? Do you trust me to know your limits, to push you towards them but not go past?”

Benjen nods rapidly.

“I need to hear it, love.” Nigel’s voice is soft, but firm.

“I trust you, Nigel.”

“Good. You’re so good, Ben.”

The fire in Benjen’s belly flares up again, threatening to burn him from within. The praise strokes at him, his heart beating in time with it. _So good, so good, so good_.

Nigel pulls back the blanket and top sheet, guiding Benjen to lie down in the middle of the bed. He gets in as well, props himself overtop Benjen on his hands and knees, and draws the linens back over them. The sheets are silky-cool against Benjen’s skin, but he doesn’t feel cold, too focused on Nigel’s body heat, the warm gusts of breath as he speaks low in Benjen’s ear.

“I said I wanted to lay you out in my bed and explore every inch of you, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

The last few words are punctuated by light nips of Nigel’s teeth against Benjen’s ear and neck. Benjen’s entire body feels like one large ember, smoldering away while nothing around him is on fire. He is fully hard now, his cock straining up, leaving sticky smears of precum on his lower belly.

Nigel draws himself down, leaning back on his feet, and with one hand firm on Benjen’s ass, he encourages him to turn over onto his stomach. The sheets are too smooth to get any real friction, but the cool fabric on his heated skin is soothing, and he shifts around, enjoying the slide of it. Nigel’s hand grips tighter and Benjen stops moving, focusing in on the placement of Nigel’s hands, both now sliding over his buttocks, gently separating them. Benjen’s breath hitches as there is suddenly a warm puff of air between his cheeks. He feels something licking gently, light and wet, right against his core, and his hips stutter as he both tries to get away and get closer to the sensation.

“Nigel, what – that’s not – oh gods!”

Nigel pulls back enough to reply.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Benjen shakes his head frantically, feeling like a dashboard bobblehead.

“Gods no, please, don’t stop.”

“Do I need to restrain you so you don’t move quite so much?” Nigel’s arm presses ever so faintly down against the back of Benjen’s thigh.

“No, no, I’ll – I won’t move.” Benjen tenses his muscles, trying to lock his legs so they don’t jerk away while Nigel’s tongue moves back into him. The threat of restraints isn’t entirely unappealing though, and Benjen is certain they’ll be revisiting that one at some point.

He can hear Nigel’s tongue as much as feel it, the slick licking sound giving way to a soft slurp, and the occasional hum from Nigel that vibrates against his hole, making him quiver. Nigel’s stroking his rim at the same time, licking around and between his fingers. When Benjen is pliant enough that he is able to slip the point of his tongue into Benjen’s ass, he groans in satisfaction, sending a wave of pulsing sensation deep into Benjen. His tongue dips in and out, and he pushes at the younger man’s hole delicately with one long slim finger. There is only minor resistance and then the tip is in, and Benjen moans brokenly as the finger pulls out, pushes deeper. Nigel licks around where the finger has Benjen spread open, and every nerve ending is burning but he finds himself unable to stop his hips from hitching slightly, trying to open his legs just a little wider, silently begging for more.

Nigel laughs, the low huff hot against Benjen’s skin, and he pulls his head back, leaving his finger pushing in and out slowly, steadily. Benjen’s cock is rock hard and dripping, precum pooling on the sheet below him. Nigel leans forward again, drawing the tip of Benjen’s cock into his mouth. He sucks on it, tongue sweeping around to lap up all of the salty precum, and the double sensations of the long finger crooking in and out of his ass and the tight damp grip of mouth sucking his cock is too much all at once, and Benjen is unable to hold back the tide as he lets go with a loud cry, pumping hot come into his boyfriend’s mouth.

Nigel slides his mouth and finger off and out of Benjen as the younger man lies there, muscles twitching minutely as he comes down from the aftershocks. He shifts over to Benjen’s side, leaning in to kiss him, and Benjen can taste his own release on the older man’s tongue. His blood thrums at the filthy thrill of licking it out of Nigel’s mouth, and he reaches out to grip Nigel tight, does not let go as he sucks on Nigel’s tongue, his lower lip, biting it as he finally releases him and pulls back, panting heavily.

“By the gods, Ben, your mouth…” Nigel groans, his fingers coming up to brush against Benjen’s lips. He captures them in a wet kiss, sucking two of them into his mouth. He laves his tongue around and between them, his eyes never leaving Nigel’s face. Nigel is staring at him with something akin to awe, his blue eyes near-glowing in the dim light.

When Nigel finally removes his fingers, Benjen tilts forward, chasing them, and Nigel chuckles.

“Are you so desperate for something in your mouth, my boy?”

Benjen’s whole body tingles at that, the irreverent name is one they only sometimes use, and it promises good things for the night ahead.

Nigel grips his chin tightly, forcing his head up.

“I asked you a question, boy.”

Benjen jerks his head in a nod. He is, he suddenly truly is, desperate for something to fill his mouth, he wants something sitting heavy on his tongue that he can concentrate on, focus on, and his mouth is watering as he stares fixedly at Nigel’s hand as it moves down his torso to grip lightly at his cock. With his other hand, Nigel pushes the pillows around and gestures for Benjen to turn onto his back. He shoves one of the pillows under the other man’s shoulders, supporting his neck.

He speaks again, softly.

“I’m going to fuck your mouth, Ben. If you need me to stop, I want you to pinch my thigh. Will you do that for me?”

“I will, I’ll tell you if I need to stop.”

His nerves are back. His muscles are still relaxed from his climax, but he feels a tension building in his throat. He’s never done this, and he wants it, but he’s afraid of disappointing Nigel with his lack of skill.

Nigel can sense his fear, and his hand comes down to stroke Benjen’s cheek.

“You look so beautiful right now,” he says as he tilts his hips, bringing the tip of his cock to Benjen’s mouth. “And I am so lucky and so grateful for this gift you are giving me, my lovely boy.”

Benjen squirms a little, a little wriggle like every time Nigel calls him ‘boy’, and then he is subsumed in senses, every one of five now focused on where Nigel is slowly feeding his cock into Benjen’s open mouth.

It feels hot, and softer than he expected, but as he tightens his mouth he feels the hard muscle underneath, feels it throbbing against his tongue. The tang of salt is heavy on the tip of his tongue as he runs it around the head of Nigel’s cock. This close to Nigel’s body, he mostly smells soap and Nigel’s own underlying smell, the scent of that first heavy snowfall, pine and winter berries. It’s a heady scent, and he inhales deeply as Nigel starts to push and pull, tugging softly at Benjen’s hair to move him up and down his cock. With every push, Benjen is able to take him a little bit deeper, until his nose is almost flush against Nigel’s body, Nigel’s cock partway down his throat. His jaw strains around the thickness, but it reminds him of that deep ache of muscle after a good workout, not unpleasant at all.

His mouth is watering and he tries to swallow the excess saliva, which only serves to tighten his throat around Nigel, who groans as his cock is gripped even tighter by his boyfriend’s throat and mouth. Benjen’s ears burn at the wet sounds of skin slapping against skin, the spit-slick noise emerging from his throat as Nigel thrusts in and out. It’s filthy and he loves it, loves the unrestrained grunts coming out of Nigel as he moves, he does not care how dirty or depraved they sound right now, all he can do is hang on to Nigel’s thighs and flick his tongue up, down, and around as Nigel controls the speed and angle of his head.

All too soon he feels the clench of muscles under his fingertips, and that is the only warning he has before Nigel’s grunts get louder and he pulls out to spray white hot come across Benjen’s face. Every splatter is a drop of hot oil on his skin and he gasps, mouth open, hoping to catch some of it on his tongue.

Nigel reaches out, gathering the come that is already rapidly cooling on Benjen’s face onto his fingers. He smears it across Benjen’s lips, and Benjen’s tongue slides out to lap it up, the salt and bitter and fresh snow flavours shooting across his taste buds.

Nigel leans back heavily against the headboard, his chest and forehead dotted with sweat. Benjen shuffles up to sit against him, patting his boyfriend on the chest, fingers idly tugging at the silvery hair there. He feels good, but unsatiated, and he doesn’t want to go to sleep just yet.

“Here, drink.”

Nigel hands Benjen an open water bottle, and Benjen takes it. He takes a sip, and only realises how thirsty he is when the first drops of cool water hit his throat. He tilts his head, lets the water slide down, soothing the hoarse feeling.

“Thanks.” Benjen rasps, handing it back.

Nigel drinks as well, before capping it and putting it back on the nightstand. When he turns back, he smiles lovingly at the younger man next to him, drops a kiss on his temple.

Benjen chews at his lip.

“Darling?” Nigel thumbs at his mouth, gently pulling his lip out of his teeth. “Is everything okay? That wasn’t too much, was it?”

“No, gods no, Nigel, it was…perfect. I just don’t want the night to be over.” He gazes up at Nigel, a worried expression in his dark brown eyes.

Nigel chuckles.

“Oh, my dear sweet boy, the night is far from over,” his voice lowers to a rumble. “One orgasm is hardly reason to bring our lovemaking to an end.”

He draws Benjen down again so he is laid out flat on the bed, arms stretched out over his head. He guides Benjen’s hands to the headboard, wraps Benjen’s fingers around the slats.

“I want you to keep your hands here. Do not drop them, do you understand?”

“Yes, Nigel.” Benjen breathes out.

His boyfriend’s ability to go from romantic words like ‘lovemaking’ to giving dominant orders in the blink of an eye has a whiplash effect on Benjen, and it sends a shockwave straight to his cock, which is already fattening up again at the promise of more to come.

“Gods, you are beautiful.” Nigel murmurs, gazing down at Benjen. “I want to know every inch of you.”

He begins with Benjen’s feet, trailing his fingers and his tongue up the arches, wrapping around his ankles and then dragging them up first one calf and then the other, then the backs of his knees and up his thighs. He ignores Benjen’s thickening cock, inside dipping his tongue along the iliac crest first on one side, then the other, teething just the slightest at it, a nip of bite and then the tongue again to soothe. He circles his tongue around Benjen’s bellybutton and licks his fingers, bringing them up to pluck at Benjen’s nipples. Benjen gasps at the twin jolts of pain and pleasure that shoot through him, his back arching and shoulders coming off the bed as he struggles not to let go of the headboard.

Nigel smiles, and it’s a new smile, the smile of a man who has just learned a delicious secret. He continues to pluck at one nipple, rubbing his fingertip over it and pinching it alternately. He lowers his mouth to the other one and sucks at it, bites it, then flicks his tongue sharply over it. Benjen can’t hold back the sound that emanates from him, it’s a high-pitched keen, almost a wail. It’s like there is a wire connected between his brain and his nipples, and every pinch, every flick, sends another jolt of electricity running up his spine. His chest feels like it’s on fire, but he never wants the flames to go out.

By the time his boyfriend pulls his mouth away, Benjen’s nipples are red and puffy, even the mild breeze of air hitting them is enough to send aftershocks down through his nerves. Nigel scrapes his chin up Benjen’s chest and the rough texture of his five o’clock shadow adds a new dimension to the pleasure-pain. Benjen clenches his fists around the slats of the headboard, but he is struggling under this new assault to his senses.

Nigel can tell he is reaching his limit and moves past his chest, dropping kisses and sucking gently at his neck, his jawline, up behind his ears. He knows Nigel will take care not to leave any marks where his collar wouldn’t hide them, but he wants them, to wear Nigel’s marks as a badge of pride.

“Please,” his voice is pleading. “Nigel, please. I want you to mark me.”

“With pleasure.” Is the only response before Nigel’s teeth are at his throat, biting down with intense suction. He throws his head back, hips jolting again, and his cock thrusts up to bump against Nigel’s thigh. Nigel shifts his hips so their cocks rub against each other, both hard and wet. Sticky precum drips between them, and Nigel winds a hand down to wrap around the both of them, stroking from root to tip with a tight grip. Benjen feels so good, hot all over, but he doesn’t know how many more climaxes he’s got in him.

“Nigel – I’m going to – I’m too close, please. Please, I need you to fuck me.” He knows he’s begging but he doesn’t care, just as he doesn’t care that there are tears of desperation welling up in his eyes.

“Shh, my love, I’ve got you. You’re so relaxed now, you’re going to open up so beautifully for me. Turn over, Ben, that’s it darling, on your knees.”

He helps Benjen unwrap his hands from their grasp of the headboard and maneuvers him into position on all fours. Every time Benjen thinks he couldn’t possibly flush any hotter, he does, this time because of how he feels he must look with his ass up in the air, resting his weight on his elbows and knees.

Nigel is kneeling behind him, and he palms Benjen’s ass, drops a kiss at the top of his crease. There is the quiet opening _click_ of a bottle, and then cold lube is being drizzled directly onto Benjen’s hole. A warm hand immediately begins to rub it in, dipping gently in and out, coating him in slick. Nigel is unrushed, taking his time to move from one finger to two, spreading them apart inside Benjen to stretch his hole, then adding a third finger from his other hand. Benjen feels a tight pressure where his rim is stretched out, and there is an unnerving sensation of fullness, but there is no pain. He rocks back just a little, and Nigel laughs.

“I know you’re impatient, but I won’t rush this. You’re almost ready, my darling boy.”

Eventually, he deems Benjen to be stretched enough, and Nigel pulls a foil packet out of the box of condoms. The crinkle of foil is followed by the snap of latex, and Benjen waits anxiously through it all until finally, finally, there is a final application of lube and then the fingers withdraw to grip tight on his hips. Nigel guides himself forward, pushing slowly, stopping when just the tip is in Benjen to allow him to adjust to the new feeling.

“Oh gods, Ben,” Nigel, his composed, controlled Nigel, sounds as broken as he feels. “If you could only see how you look right now, your body gleaming with sweat, your ass split around my cock, it’s positively intoxicating.”

He pushes deeper now, does not stop until he is flush against Benjen, and Benjen feels overwhelmingly full, but his body is adjusting to it and he clenches down experimentally. Nigel hisses as he tightens around him.

“Oh fuck, you feel so good, you are so very good for me. You’re taking me so well, I’m so proud of you, Ben.”

He punctuates each statement with a hard thrust that seems to punch the very breath out of Benjen’s lungs.

Nigel begins to rock back and forth, moving slowly, but thrusting deep and hard every time he pushes in. Benjen’s head hangs down, and the one problem with this position is he can’t see the expression on Nigel’s face, and he wants to, wants to see if his boyfriend is looking as wrecked as he is sure he is right now.

Nigel puts his arms around Benjen’s chest, pulling him up to lean back, and hooks his chin over Benjen’s shoulder. They are both sticky with sweat, sliding against each other. Nigel curls Benjen’s hair away from his ear and whispers directly into it.

“I want to see you, sweetheart. I want to watch you taking your pleasure, want to see your face as I plunge into your waiting body.”

Benjen wants that too, wants the comfort of looking into his lover’s eyes as they move together, wants to get lost in mapping the contours of Nigel’s face as he so thoroughly plunders Benjen’s body.

Nigel pulls out, and Benjen winces at the sudden empty feeling. He expects to be turned on his back, but instead it is Nigel who lies flat on his back, and encourages Benjen to straddle him, to lower himself slowly onto Nigel’s cock until he is sitting, thighs flat against Nigel’s own.

Benjen is uncertain, he doesn’t know anything about how to control the pace, doesn’t want to.

“Is it too hard on your legs, Ben?” Nigel asks, seeing the cautious expression on the younger man’s face.

“No, it’s fine, I’m just – I’m not ready to try to take control.” Benjen confesses, winding his hands in the coarse hair on his lover’s firm stomach.

Nigel’s dark smile is back, and he reaches his hands up to caress Benjen’s lower back and hips.

“That’s good, because I’m not ready to give it up. Did you think that control can only be had from on top? You may want to hold on to my legs, there’s a good boy. Just sit back and enjoy the ride, and don’t you worry about control, because it’s still in my hands.”

With that, Nigel flattens his feet on the bed, thighs raising up, and with his hands firm around Benjen’s waist, he begins to thrust. It’s all Benjen can do to hold on, gripping tightly to Nigel’s thighs as they move together. Nigel lifts Benjen slightly, just an inch or two, and then pulls him down hard as he thrusts up. With one particularly deep thrust, Nigel’s cock nudges at something inside Benjen and white hot sparks fly across his vision as he cries out. Nigel grins and focuses on hitting that spot again and again, and there is a pressure starting to build up in Benjen’s belly, all of his muscles tensing, the sparks fizzing and burning like pinwheel fireworks behind his eyes.

Benjen feels like his entire body is pulled taut, like every atom of his being is hyperfixated on one spot deep within his body that pulses with a dull throb every time his boyfriend’s cock presses against it.

He can’t let go of his white-fingered grip on Nigel’s legs, but he feels like he might actually die if he doesn’t get some friction against his cock, which is slapping against his stomach with every hip thrust.

“Nigel, please, I need – please touch me.” He is pleading, but he doesn’t care, doesn’t care about anything except chasing that flicker of heat that is tickling at the base of his spine.

Nigel licks the palm of his hand, wraps it tightly around Benjen’s cock. His grip is so tight, Benjen can barely move, but it’s perfect, and he thrusts into it as Nigel thrusts into him, and the flicker is growing now into a tendril, now into a flame, until it breaks apart with a shatter and he cries out loudly as he climaxes, shooting come across Nigel’s stomach.

He would collapse if Nigel did not have such a firm hold on him. He feels like his limbs are not his own to maneuver, his body is pliant, like stretched out taffy, and Benjen is content to just ride it out, to let Nigel move him as he wants. Every time he sinks down on Nigel’s cock, he feels his brain sinking further as well, like he is immersed in a hot spring and all he has to do is lie back and float. He can hear the other man’s voice, a deep cadence telling him how good he is, and the words reverb in his mind and he soaks in them, _so good, so good, so good._ He hums in response, unable to pull words into his mouth, his tongue thick and caught between his teeth as he gasps out his pleasure.

Nigel focuses on chasing his own pleasure now, and he begins to thrust wildly, barely in control, his fingers digging in to Benjen’s skin as he pounds up into his body. Benjen can feel every thick inch of him driving into him, can feel Nigel’s balls, heavy and full, slapping against his skin, and soon Nigel is roaring as his climax hits, pumping waves of hot come deep into Benjen’s body. Benjen is sure he can feel every spurt of it hitting the condom, and he is also sure that he will forgo the condom next time, desperate to feel the scalding heat of the come splashing his insides, he wants to feel it spilling out of his ass, wants Nigel to scoop it up and push it back in. He wants things he’s never even allowed himself to think about tucked up in bed in the dark of night, and the electric tingle of desire that moves through him is barely a sizzle but it is there, and it curls up warmly in his heart as he basks in the joy he feels now. He also feels utterly debauched, well and thoroughly divested of any worries about lack of experience or insecurities about his middle-aged virginity.

He grimaces as Nigel slips out of him, he doesn’t like the lingering sensation of emptiness, but he knows it will fade. He likes the thought of staying open, of Nigel sliding his cock out and a plug in, but that’s something to experiment with another time. Right now, his fading energy is giving way to a lax sleepiness. Nigel slips out of bed to dispose of the condom and comes back with a dampened towel. He is gentle as he wipes at Benjen’s cock, cleans the traces of come off of him, but the fabric feels like sandpaper on his overly sensitive skin. He tosses the towel aside and pulls at the blankets until Benjen is properly tucked in. His skin has cooled now, the sweat drying, and he turns onto his side, burrowing into the heavy blankets. Nigel slides in behind him and curls his body around Benjen’s, wraps the blankets around them both. He presses soft kisses along the lines of Benjen’s shoulders, across his upper back.

“How do you feel?” The question is as soft as the kisses, spoken quietly against the back of his neck.

Benjen is silent as he tries to find the right words for his answer. He turns over to face his boyfriend, to look into those clear blue eyes so that the other man can see the truth of what he’s saying.

“I feel complete. Like some part of me that was missing has been found. I don’t mean to say I wasn’t a whole person before having sex, because I was, and I was happy, but…it’s you, Nigel. What I was missing, it was you. And you’ve given me everything I asked for tonight, and it was perfect.”

Nigel’s eyes seem to flash in the dim light of the lamp, and the smile he wears now is Benjen’s favourite, a tender caress of a smile that says more than any words. He closes his eyes, bringing his face down to rest in the groove between his boyfriend’s pecs.

Nigel brings a hand down to stroke at Benjen’s hair. It’s calming, and it pushes his brain further into that warm spring where he can sense a deep sleep lying in wait.

“You’re right, tonight was perfect. Thank you again, my sweetheart.” Nigel whispers.

“You’re welcome. Sleep, now.” He mumbles, and Nigel’s rumbling laugh vibrates against his cheek.

“Yes, my darling. We can sleep now.”

Drifting off in the arms of the man he loves, Benjen feels a deep contentment right down to his core, and it heats his entire body from the inside, right to the tips of his fingers. For the first time ever, Benjen feels like he is completely suffused with warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I named this after a BSB song. Yes, I have many regrets in life. This is not one of them.


End file.
